It’s no secret that moving is aggravating. How can you possibly stay organized (not to mention sane) while packing everything you own into little brown boxes? In contrast, hardly anyone talks about the emotional rollercoaster that accompanies relocation.

Emotions While Moving: The Ugly, Ugly, and Even More Ugly

As someone who graduated with a degree in social work, I’ll always be the first to tell you that “Your emotions are valid! No emotions are good or bad! They just are!”

While I still mostly believe that, I also believe in the idea that two things can be true at the same time because my emotions were ugly.

Panic, anger, fear, worry, frustration, loathing, resentment, regret, grief, overwhelm…

I felt like a ping pong ball with how quickly my moods shifted while packing and moving. I was ranting and raving one moment, hunched over a tissue box pathetically as I bawled my eyes out the next.

What even triggers this wild storm of emotions?

Grieving Your Old Home is Grieving Your Life

In social work, we use the Person-in-Environment Theory to describe how people’s physical and social environments impact their lives. A home isn’t just a building with a bedroom and a bathroom. It’s a place where (ideally) you can feel safe. Where you live your life. Where you experience milestone moments, celebrations, and breakdowns. It’s not just sentimental to feel tears prickle at the corner of your eyes as you see it become a shell of the place that bore witness to so many memories. It’s completely normal.

Grieving is also a complex process. It has been known to impact people’s mental and behavioral health so similarly to depression, that psychologists have specifically noted the similarity between how people express grief and trauma in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).

Though I didn’t count on myself feeling nostalgic about Indiana of all places, I still ended up feeling hopelessly emotional. As I packed away my running gear, I found myself lamenting the loss of future hikes on my favorite trails. I caught myself reminiscing on shared meals with friends as I cleaned out my fridge. And as I packed away my college backpack, despite all the stress of late nights spent working two jobs and juggling homework, I found myself missing the act of going to class.

Reminders of Your Inner Child

If you ever moved or traveled with your family as a child, the memories of how you felt in those moments could be resurfacing as you prepare for a move.

Were you part of family conversations related to the move? Did you parents argue over details and logistics? Did you even want to move in the first place?

Moving is inherently stressful because it causes a disruption to your daily routine and upends how things are normally done. However, especially if others are helping you to move, your inner child may be reminded of past memories that can complicate and exacerbate an already stressful moving experience.

Overwhelm and Overstimulation in a New Environment

There’s a reason that when you google “moving preparation” you will find hundreds of advice columns, checklists, and “hacks” to help you move – it’s no secret that it takes A LOT of work to relocate, no matter if you’re moving down the road or to a completely different country.

Most people will find themselves easily exhausted while moving, and that makes complete sense!

From packing your belongings, to deep cleaning a new house or apartment, unpacking things all over again, coordinating the purchase and assembly of furniture, and navigating a budget – there are several factors to keep the mind and body busy.

Then, you add in any cultural or language differences as you get used to a new place. Maybe you’re starting classes or a new job. You need to find a new place to buy your groceries. Maybe you don’t know a single person in your new city. It’s all enough to make someone’s spin.

Coping with Your Emotions During a Move

1. Plan for the emotional toll of moving

While I think most of us expect the stress of moving, we don’t always anticipate grief over leaving an old home. Maybe we don’t plan for the frustration of IKEA furniture taking longer than expected to put together, or annoyance when Facebook Marketplace sellers can’t be bothered to answer your messages. Sleeping in a new city somehow feels lonelier than every night you’ve slept alone before.

Going to the grocery store, even, can feel like climbing a mountain if you’re unfamiliar with the customs and culture. Maybe you worry if people see you as an outsider. For the first time maybe ever, you are hyperconscious of your accent or appearance. Maybe you just feel out of place because this city isn’t home yet. That’s ok – you’ll get there in time.

2. Rest as you are able

Something about moving always makes me feel like I need to rush. Maybe I just don’t like sitting in the discomfort, but I somehow always end up in a state of panic, wanting to have my living space set up just the way I like as quickly as possible.

That’s a big old lie.

You don’t need everything perfectly set up right away. It’s ok to spend time sleeping on a couch or air mattress as you work on building furniture or wait for it to arrive at your new place.

You don’t need my permission, but if you’re looking for it: you can take a break.

It’s ok to not spend every second of the day cleaning, building, or fussing over other details of your move. Grab a drink of water from the fridge. Leave and pick up a meal somewhere in your new town. If your couch is already set up, take even just five minutes to kick back and settle.

I know it’s privileged to talk about rest. Lots of people don’t have the luxury of taking time off from work to get adjusted to a new place – maybe they’re even needing to take on extra side jobs to afford moving. Many people also face additional pressures to move and get adjusted quickly as parents. But most people can at least spare one minute out of their day to pause, breathe, and ground themselves – a gift to that can be a brave and radical act of self-care.

3. Allow yourself to feel and process your emotions

It’s ok to scream or cry while moving – these are perfectly healthy ways to cope with intense emotions.

You can also write about your emotions in a journal, talk to someone you trust, or listen to music that helps you feel your emotions.

Some people also find activities like running or yoga to be stress-relieving.

And of course, don’t discount the role of scheduling a therapy session in the midst of a move.

Personally, I spent a lot of time venting to my partner during my move, and I used the “mind dump” journaling method to help clear my mind before bed in order to sleep better. Both of these were ways that I coped with the emotions that came up during the process of moving to a new city.

Finding joy amongst other emotions

Though I’ve spent a lot of time discussing ways to cope with uncomfortable and unexpected emotions, I’d be remiss to leave out joy.

Moving – while stressful – can be a moment to reflect on joy, wonder, and gratitude.

Moving forces you to see the world with new eyes. Lean into your inner child as you notice the trees that grow in your new neighborhood, silly little squirrels, people walking their dogs. Though unfamiliar now, these sights may soon become welcome and wonderful.

Be sentimental, and cherish the kindness of people who are helping you to move, whether they’re loved ones or strangers.

And most of all, remember:

You are resilient. You are strong.

But you are also human – and part of the beauty in our existence is getting to feel.

After all, what is joy without sadness? Wonder without worry? Comfort without grief?

This existence is what you make of it – so take care of yourself, and choose wisely.

with love,

ana